The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
