His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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