when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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