i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
