This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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