I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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