i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
