he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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