Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
