It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize