im having a threesome with these popsicles
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
