When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
