Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
