the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
