Michael Bay diarrhea
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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