This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
