I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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