I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize