plz talk dirty to me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
