how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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