I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
