I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
