Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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