Plan B is the new Plan A
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
