So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we're making bets on your personal life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the gays at disneyland are vicious
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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