For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
