OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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