he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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