So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
