you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
