Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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