I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
