I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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