Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
