I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize