he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
