The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish my penis had a tongue
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
