gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i was born a porn star she said
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
