please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
