it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
