i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i think my cat just said my name.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
