I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
