suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
