Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Church boner. Awkwardddd
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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