Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
last night I used snow as a chaser
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
