someone owes me an orgasm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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