The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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