T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
