i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
