I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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