my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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