i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
