Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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