I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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