Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
