By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
