Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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