Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
