she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
