Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
