Sober January is a disaster.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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