I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
