I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize