At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
