his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
