one two three fourrrrnication!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize