I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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