Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
