i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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